Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
