remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
