I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
this is an emotional support booty call
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
