You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
