y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
