I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
