I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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