so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
