it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
