It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
