Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
