If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
