she looked like the bat from fern gully.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
