in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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