recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
bring money and cleavage
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
