my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
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