you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
