hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
