I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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