I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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