The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
