i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize