That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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