He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
