shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
