Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
ok first of all what the fuck
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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