Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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