oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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