after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
