She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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