I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
