Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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