my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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