yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
