1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
