so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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