Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You made out with two different species that night
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
