Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
