I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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