Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
