i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize