Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
