he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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