I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
