I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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