I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
