That's when you crack a 10am beer
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
