Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
