what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
