I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
