At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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