So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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