Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
