Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
