ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
