It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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