My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
