I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
