alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
