Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize