The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
should my penis look like a turkey
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
do nipples grow back?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize