So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
