now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
