I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
