you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
