mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
organizing the empties. That sober.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
