I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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