Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
