wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
