dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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