Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
