This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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