grandma shit on top of the toilet
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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