Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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