For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
