it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
