last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
