Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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