And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
