I could have mohawked her pubes.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize