Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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