just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
